Tag Archives: cancer

Aug27

Update 8.29.25 #4realjill

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Psalm 121:1-8 ESV
[1] I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? [2]  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. [3] He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. [4] Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. [5] The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. [6]  The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. [7] The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. [8] The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.

https://bible.com/bible/59/psa.121.1-8.ESV

Pastor Andrew’s Message August 17, 2025

Jul6

End of Cycle 2!

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End of Cycle 2!

I have had many thoughts running through my mind that I want to write about but, for some reason, I have been avoiding it. I do want to share about my last trip to MD Andy, when my precious son, Nate, joined me and an update about this coming week!

First coming this week! I am about to complete my 2nd cycle/month on the trial drug and make my 10th trip to Houston since April 18th! That means I will get to have a brain MRI and an PET Scan! There is a real thing called scanxiety. This for me is wrapped in nervousness AND hope. There is a weird tension between what could be and what I hope to be. Obviously, the hope is for proof that the drug is working! Possibilities include the tumors are gone, to anywhere in between, to there is growth or progression. Clearly, the hope and prayer is for disappearance and or shrinkage of tumors and for sure I do not want any new ones! If the tumors have disappeared, shrunk, stayed the same, or only increased by 20% then I stay on the trial. If there were to be more than 20% growth of the previously seen tumors or new tumors then I would move to different treatment option.

So, Monday, Jenni, Lydia, and I will drive to Houston. Tuesday, I will have imaging done. Wednesday, I will do lab work, Dr./clinic visit, and then have 2 treatment room visits. Thursday, I will have follow up appointment with the brain doctor. In the midst of all of that I hope to see some framily, eat some good food, and do some celebrating of my favorite firstborn’s 25th birthday! 🥳Side note: I really cannot believe it has been 25 years, since I became a mom. I have truly loved every season of parenting (excluding potty training), but this season of being mom of an adult is extra fun and special, but maybe, I have thought that with each season! Although, I have yet to get to the “easy” season of parenting. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Now A Long Story!

Okay, so almost 2 weeks ago I had lab work and a “fast track” clinic visit. Nate and I flew to Houston Tuesday evening to be there for early morning check-in Wednesday. Early morning as in 8am be at MD Andy.

Back up to earlier in that week and I just did not want to go. This was the 2nd time I had a full week of not going, but the first week I had not going AND not working! I really liked it. So, I was not thrilled about going, especially, because it was an appointment mainly for blood work and so the clinic can say they saw me. Because I am doing the trial this has created some appointments that are because I am on the trial and there are requirments for the study. I am not ungrateful and so, so happy, blessed, grateful, humbled to get to be on the trial and grateful to even have the opportunity to be on the trial…really! At the same time it has been a lot. You know how you do something really hard and then when you are finished you are like, wow, how did I do that?!?! Well, that is how the last 12 weeks have been, and it has gotten so much easier, but wow, how did/do I do that?!? (I know how, Holy Spirit, Father God in me)

So, I was not having the best attitude about going, but knew it would be quick trip AND Nate was going AND we were going to see some Houston framily! Then, when it was time to head to airport I got sick. Thankfully, my sweet Aunt Pam and sister quickly changed our flight. I rested. Felt better then left on later flight. However, that meant, we saw Wood girls late and had less time with them. But we still saw them, laughed with them, hugged them, and had ice cream!

Okay, so now, we are back to that early check in time. Nate was a trooper and was a big encouragement to me! Labs were quick and easy, so we headed up to “fast track” clinic. Fast track my @lm#n$op!!! Now, I had received a call the day before, when I was in bed trying to feel better to get on the plane, and warned that MD Andy had had some kind of computer mishap and to expect delays with lab results. Okay, no problem, I have an early morning “fast track” appointment and understand there may be a delay. Now what do you think of as a delay?!?

The clinic opens at 8:00 am. After visiting the lab I check in at clinic at 830, my appointment was 8:20, but no problem I was late, they knew I was in the lab. There is maybe one other person in waiting room. This office has 30 providers that see patients it is generally a very full office and waiting area. I greet my friends at the counter, they are happy to see me and my son. I ask if he has time to run and get breakfast before I am called back, oh, sure, he has time, if I am called back before he gets back they will tell him where to find me. Super, great!!! They explain there might be a delay because of what happened Monday, but it is good I am there so early, it will be fine. Probably, not more than 2 or 3 hours. 🫨 This is still okay, right?! This is what I am here for. I got my kindle. Our phones are charged up. Nate has food.

Nate gets back, he eats. He attempts to share his biscuit, but you know they like me to not eat before my clinic appointment, so it is fine, everything is fine. An hour goes by, I keep getting, notifications on my MyChart app with some of my lab results. Okay, this is good. Two hours go by. My front desk friend checks on us sometime during this, apologizing, asking if we need anything. Waiting room fills up, empties out, some have been there almost as long as us. Three and a half hours I go up again and just check, new friend at front desk, oh, yea, no they are still waiting on one more lab report, she explains it has taken some up to 3 hours, yes, I have been waiting 3.5 hours, yea, I am sorry, it may be 4 to 5 hours. Uh, what, excuse me?! They feel bad, they know we have been there, they check with nurses, I hear them explaining the same things to others, our Houston friend is circling the area waiting to take us to lunch. I did not even want to come, except I was getting to see friends. Nate is a hero. He does not get annoyed, stays calm, sneaks to the back to get us some good ice, takes a walk, makes me take a walk, plays on his phone. I put phone on airplane mode to play my game ad free. Turn phone back on to text friend, yea, still waiting.

SIX HOURS LATER!!! Six hours later I am called back. I cheer when they call my name, like I am on the Price Is Right. I offer hope to those in the waiting room, they too might get called back today. As I go back I ask if they want to take my vitals again, it had almost been a day since they took my blood pressure and weighed me, I am sure I had lost weight by then. They did not. I quickly 🙄 was seen by one of the providers I like more than the others. You will not believe what she said?!? Well, I do not have the lab results back yet, but I thought I would just go ahead and see you, examine you, and call you with results and let you know if you should dose today. You know, none of that was bad, but you know, why not examine me 6 hours ago, or 5 or 4 or 3 hours earlier and say all of that?!? So, 6 hours in waiting room for an 8 minute exam/conversation followed by a phone call 10 minutes later saying, labs were good, go ahead and take today’s dose and you can eat. 😲

Our sweet friend, Amanda, quickly picked us up and took us to airport just in time for our “late” flight. At least we got to catch up with her on the car ride. We grabbed something to eat at airport. Big thanks to the Wood girls and Amanda for accommodating our unexpectedness. Our brief time with sweet friends made the trip worth it!

The best news>>> the side effects are minimal and treatable and easily tolerable. The shoulder pain has GREATLY decreased! Maybe it is new meds, maybe the tumors are smaller and not pushing on the nerves, maybe both?!? The biggest daily side effect is fatigue. Sometimes, I let it take over and do not do much, but mostly I really try to keep doing all the things I want, even if I do not feel like I have the energy. I am enjoying summer, being creative, reading, and spending time with family and friends.

So my wisdom gained? Keep doing the hard things. Everybody has hard stuff. No one is special in that department. Do your hard stuff and help other people through their hard stuff as you can. Let’s not be victims. Do what you can when you can. Own what is yours and do and give all you can when you can. I know what really helped during that 6 hours of waiting was how kind and apologetic and sympathetic my friends at the front desk were. “I am sorry”, really helps, does not fix it, but when sincere sure is soothing. I can only imagine how difficult their jobs were made by the glitch. All the people, they had to explain over and over to. I am glad when I return this week, they will not hide when they see me coming, because I was not rude to them when they were doing the best they could, hopefully they will be excited to see the wannabe Price Is Right contestant. 😂

Firstly, secondly, finally, and lastly, Father God is still good even when. I still trust Him. He is my strength, my confidence, my Hope, my Joy, my Peace. My faith continues to grow and is strengthened! He is good even when healing comes with weekly trips to Houston, even when fatigued, even when I am feeling all the nerves in my shoulder, even when there are 6 hour waits for 8 minute visits, even when people are stupid and hurtful and dumb, even when I do not understand Father God is good.

Thank you for your continued prayers, love, and support! jj

Mar27

Some Unknowns & The Waiting

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Some Unknowns & The Waiting

Well, the last few months have been a little rough physically and emotionally and spiritually. I still do not have all the answers and we all know the unknown is awful for so many reasons. Short version is I am still fighting cancer, there may or may not be progression or growth. I took a break from part of my treatment to determine if the medicine is causing the symptoms. I am back on treatment and still too many unknowns, I have been introduced to more doctor specialists, am on more appointment waiting lists, have added a new medical app, had extra extra imaging, and got more punches on my imaginary health facility bingo card and am back to seeing oncologist monthly instead of every other month. I still am having symptoms with an unknown cause, but have learned the reason, so progress has been made.

In December, I started feeling not good more than I felt good. I just did not feel good, a little extra tired, and sore/achy. So many possible causes for this in December, right? Then I started noticing shortness of breath. Was this also the effects of December, too many sweets, not enough walks?!? I also have had some severe, random shoulder pain on and off that has caused some nights where sleeping is impossible, which brings a whole other set of issues. I need my sleep!

In January, I met with my oncologist for my regular 2 month appointment and shared my experience with her. She was not happy that I had not called. If I do not call, nothing is wrong, right?! (no, just make the call🤦🏽‍♀️) Well, there was much haste and energy because she feared I potentially had a blood clot, which is a possible side effect of my treatment. 🤨 Well, not good, but maybe an answer. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I am telling you perspective is huge. When you are hoping for a blood clot being caught AND it NOT being cancer you are in a uniquie situation. Oh, I love being unique!

Thankfully, it was not a blood clot. Sadly, it was not a blood clot. A blood clot when caught early is treatable. So, not a blood clot, then what is it?!? Another possible side effect of my treatment is damage to lungs. Well, I gotta breathe. So, off the medicine I go, to determine if that helps the breathing. It did not. That is good, because that means my treatment, that has thus far kept my cancer from progressing can be resumed. It is not good, because that means we still do not know why the breathing issues. At this point I am trying to think of Thomas Edison. He is the one that said he found 10,000 ways for it not working before he was successful with the lightbulb, right?!

During this time I saw a pulmonologist (lung doctor). He is a kind, smart young man with curly hair. I liked him instantly. He seemed to know stuff. Did not have all the answers, but more clues were given. I have a paralyzed diaphragm. Yea, you have never heard of that, have you?! Maybe, 2 of you have. Thankfully, it is only paralyzed on one side, so it is only crushing part of my lung and collapsing it. Hence, the reason breathing is hard. BUT why?!? Yea, google it. It does not make sense. I have not experienced the things that normally lead to this.

So, the diaphragm is controlled by the phrenic nerve which runs thru spine/neck down to diapghragm under lungs. Could this be why the piercing shoulder pain?!? I think it has to be. It for sure feels like a live wire going crazy and that is how I imagine a rogue nerve to be! And it all began happening at the same time. This is my own reason and theory. No doctor has confirmed, well, one doctor, the orthopedic kind, was pretty confident that it is NOT the phrenic nerve causing the pain, but I am not convinced. I will be seeing a neurologist, a nerve doctor, in May and gathering more information.

Before that I will be having a sniff test. Ever heard of that?! It is a special test/x-ray done by a radiologist to determine diaphragm function. Gotta keep gathering all the clues! Have I mentioned I do not like puzzles?! I do like a good suspense book, movie, or show, so maybe I need to lean into that. I also like Bingo, so I guess it is another punch in my imaginary card. Sniff Test ✖️

My very wise, this is how it is oncologist was stumped with the paralyzed diaphragm and intrigued by phrenic nerve theory, so she demanded insurance pay for a PET scan. I had not had one of these in 2 years. I generally have CT, MRI, and bone scan. Do not even get me started on why not just do the PET every time instead of the 3 different tests, I do not get it. So, the PET shows some malignancy, cancer, in my lymph nodes. This was not seen on images from February. So, is this cause of all the things?! Were they just not visible via the MRI and CT, but are visible on PET?! Or is this growth because I was off treatment for over a month?!? Yes, more unknowns. 😒 This is the most recent, as of yesterday, information gathered. I have not got to talk with my astute oncologist yet! I am sure there will be more information collected as she views these results!

That is the basics of the physical.

Mind, body, soul is all connected, right? Spiritually and emotionally it has just been just as wild of a ride. I am not quite ready to write about all of that. I will say Father God, Holy Spirit, Jesus have never been closer. My faith is strengthened as I question and cry out to Him. My confidence in His goodness is deepened as I seek Him and ask why. I am so grateful for His love and nearness in the unknown. I rest in Him.

Aug2

Not What I Would Have Chosen

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Not What I Would Have Chosen

Well, I did not get the results I would have chosen. My liver biopsy shows my breast cancer has metastasized and is in my liver too. This means I have stage 4 breast cancer. When breast cancer has NOT metastasized, which means spread to other parts of the body, then it is treated with chemo, sometimes surgery, and sometimes radiation. This is a curative treatment, meaning those things tend to cure it and make it go away. When it has moved or metastasized to other parts of the body it means it is in the blood and can pop up anywhere, this is also what pushes the staging to 4. Stage 4 is treated palliatively, meaning it most likely will not be cured and not go away, so let us see what we can do to slow down and/or stop the growth and spread of cancer. Ugh!

{Obviously, I am not an oncologist or a medical doctor of any kind, but this is simply my understanding and what I am learning.}

So, what is the plan? What happens now? Again, not the plan I would have chosen, but hormone blockers. Hormone blockers are the plan. My cancer grows and is fed by hormones (ER+, PR+, HER2-). So, I will orally, daily take hormone blocker pills to stop feeding the cancer. Hormone blockers work slower than chemo but can be taken and used much longer than chemo. The side effects are generally less extreme than chemo, which means I can continue living life somewhat normally, whatever normal is!

My hope and prayer is still for complete healing. I hope and pray the hormone blockers will stop the growth and spread, so then eventually I can have surgery to remove tumors from my breast, lymph nodes, and liver, then chemo, or maybe, it is chemo, and then surgeries?! Or I may just always be on hormone blockers.

Bottom line as of now, no chemo and no surgeries. I am taking it one day at a time. Doing what I can do with what I do know. Enjoying the last days of summer until returning to school. Staying in the facts and feeling all the feelings. I recognize this is going to be a long fight and I am ready for it!

If you want the longer version, please, keep reading!

Ellie Holcomb has a song, “I Don’t Want To Miss It” and I don’t. I don’t want to miss the blessings along this painful path. I want to learn and grow all I can during this season. I don’t want to miss the hand of God as He gives me peace when receiving the next bad news. I don’t want to miss the comfort He gives when I meet another survivor on a similar journey. I don’t want to miss the opportunity to give grace and a kind word when… someone tells me I will need to wait for some stupid reason and I know they have to enforce and follow stupid, stupid, dumb procedures because that is the law or idiotic insurance/government rule and they are the person who works in this stupid system and has to attempt to rationalize this stupid system every day and most people do not respond kindly…so, I want the opportunity to be kind. And I have had multiple of these dumb, stupid opportunities. And, yes, sorry, that was a bit of a rant…My point is I am here for it all. The good, the bad, the ugly.

It sucks, it is sad, it is crummy, and discouraging to get bad news during each doctor appointment I have. It has the potential to be overwhelming if looking too far into the future. I am realizing this is not going to be a quick fix. When Nate was diagnosed, we quickly had a diagnosis and almost as quickly had a treatment plan. His treatment plan was the same treatment plan he would have received no matter where he was treated in the U.S. This is sometimes the case with cancer treatment, depending on the size of the tumor and/or the location of the tumor(s) there are certain protocols. These protocols have a start and end point. When cancer has metastasized there are more factors, which make treatment less definitive. So, there will be more choices and decisions to make as I progress. How the tumors respond to the hormone blockers and how my body responds to this treatment are a few of those factors.

Perspective. Perspective is crazy. Many of you, as I would be if I was hearing my news as not me, feel sad for me. And it is sad, however, I have been so encouraged by hearing others’ perspectives. In a Facebook group I have gained access to because of my new status as a “Mets” girl I have been encouraged by others walking a similar journey. Comments such as, “Wonderful only one spot”, “Oh good, only on your liver”. So, again, I find in my life the statement “it could always be better, but it could always be worse” is so glaringly true. My perspective has changed these past few months as I have rolled through “oh no, cancer”, to “oh, thankfully only one spot in the liver”! I am telling you it is so strange to be disappointed to not get to have chemo. I am so thankful for the advances in breast cancer research that changes and improves protocols. For example, my diagnosis if received 5 years ago would be treated differently than it is now. Oh, I love being on the cutting edge! (insert some sarcasm)

There is another song from Bethany Barnard, “You Know“, that also resonates with me. It is a powerful and one of my current anthems! It proclaims the power of Jesus and that despite life not being what we have chosen God is bigger than it all. I believe God brought Jesus back to life and since I believe that, then, of course, I believe He can heal me or walk with me (which is just as much a miracle) on this journey because He is bigger than it all. I trust Him even when it is not the path I would have chosen.

I am so grateful for your continued love, prayers, and support for me and my family. I feel so loved and supported. So, many of you have asked “What do I need or what can you do for me?” I do not know and I wish there was something great, tangible that I could tell you I need. Just keep praying. Many of you have spoiled me with little gifts and cards and they hit the spot and have come just when I needed them!

For those of you that pray I got a long list! Pray for my discernment, endurance, no nausea, no extra exhaustion as I return to work, continued peace, healthy balance of work/life/health, of course, keep praying and encouraging my sweet kids as they embark on new seasons of life and at the same time want to care/worry for me, and my precious mom and sis as they take care of us all! My insurance does not cover MD Anderson, however, I have chosen to self-pay and scheduled a little one-hour appointment to gain a different perspective on my treatment plan. That is currently scheduled for early September. I am also considering changing up my medical team here, so pray for discernment for that and appointments to open up if that is the direction I am to go, and if you are praying anyway, go ahead a lift up me to having to take a few less dumb, stupid insurance/scheduling/referral hurdle jumps, red tape, stupid excessive phone conversation things.

Thank you for reading to the end. I apologize for a few run-on sentences, I just couldn’t properly express myself without them. And one more song to encourage you! Wonderfully Made is a good one! Be encouraged! You are wonderfully made and made for lots of good things, so get out there and live your best life! I am! jj