I walk a fine line in respecting the privacy of my children, at the same time keeping those of you that love and pray for us updated. So, this post will be somewhat of a bragging post.  Mainly, because I am so proud of my kids, but  even more  so in awe of our  Creator and My Savior!  Most of you that I see regularly will learn nothing new, but for those of you that don’t, then this is what I would share if I saw you at the store and you asked how is…

Lydia

My sparkle! She is in 10th grade for one more day, soon to be a Junior,  on her high school pom squad, and has a cute boyfriend! She is brave and strong and has matured so much this year. I work in a tax office, so January until recently I was working a lot and in graduate school.  She is the oldest and has carried much extra responsibility. She amazes me. She juggles school, pom, being friend, and big sister brilliantly. She has faced challenges this year and had successes and multiple learning opportunities as she learns to balance and choose well.

She has no idea how much influence she has with her  siblings in everything from is this a good song to how are we going to respond to mom.  They look to her for reaction, responses, and understanding. She pretends she does not care about anything, but actually she is one of the most compassionate, thoughtful people I know.

 

Zoe

Zoe tells it like it is.  Most things are black or  white. Zoe will boldly tell you exactly how and why it is or is not! There is never need to wonder what she is thinking or feeling, because if you can not read it on her face then she will tell you.

Zoe has a rich, beautiful singing voice and has the gift of emoting like her dad does. She has a natural gift that shines when she sings.  She chose a song, learned the song and bravely performed for her entire school during talent show this week. Her song choice is one indicator of her understanding and proof of her life’s experience this past year.   Meghan Trainor’s song “Like I’m Gonna Lose You” was her song choice. I was not familiar with the song until she started learning it. Wow! Listen to the song or look up the lyrics and then apply them to our life!

Nathan

It has been a long tough year in second grade for my brave warrior, Nathan. He is the most easy going boy you will meet, and extremely tender hearted. We have spent much of the year finding tools and methods that is best for his learning needs. This has led to special testing, multiple appointments with psychologists and doctors. Eventually working with school and setting up an individualized education plan, (IEP). It has been an education for me learning new lingo and discerning what is best for my boy. So many times this year, I wanted and needed a conversation with his dad to help me navigate this season.

Nathan is truly a delight!  He makes us all laugh and most often makes really tense situations easy, because of his perspective on life and easy humor!  He made me proud this week when he faced his fears and entertained with some magic tricks during a talent show for his 2nd grade class!  He was so nervous, but he did it anyway!

 

Jill

Not having Allan as a mate was a choice I made. A choice I knew God led me to make.  I did not choose to not have him as a parent partner. I never would have chosen this. I have missed him so much this year. It was painful enough being ripped apart after being one for 19 years, and best friends for more than 20, but to lose him in parenting too has been excruciating. So many times I have just needed to ask him a question. I have needed his ideas and his opinion. I have wanted to call and tell him something the kids did or said. It is not fair.  It is sad, It is hard.

Unless the Lord had given me help,
    I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death.
 When I said, “My foot is slipping,”
    your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.
 When anxiety was great within me,
    your consolation brought me joy.

Psalm 94.17-18

But God…

God is good and understanding and merciful to my whining and questions. I do not know or understand all the whys and hows, but God is so faithful and I trust Him. I have seen stunning glimpses of God working it all for our good. I have seen His provision through His people. Through teachers that care, family that give extra, friends that call or send a message just in time, neighbors that are available. I have seen strength and courage in my children and felt it in my bones when we had to do another hard thing.  This is all from God. I could not do the next hard thing without Him holding me. He holds me when I hold my children as they cry and miss their daddy. He holds me as I teach and train my children to make good choices and lead them to Jesus during the good and bad times. He holds me as we question and wonder and grieve what was.

 

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
    are children born in one’s youth.

Psalm 127.4

So, Allan does not live with us anymore, but I see him everyday!  These kids have his sparkle in their eyes.  They have his determination for life. They are crazy, silly and remember movie quotes like they just watched the movie, like their dad always did! They each have individual mannerisms and little quirks that are just like their daddy. I love this.  I sometimes call them Allan when they remind me of him. This is one of the cool ways God works. Although, Allan’s ministry has dramatically changed, one way his ministry continues is in the gifts of our children. As they each grow and mature it is exciting to see how their unique gifts and personalities develop! They are the arrows.

An Altar

Many times in the Old Testament of the Bible God asked His people to build an altar. Usually it was after God did something great  and it was done to mark that place or time or that event.  Altars were built as worship to honor God and as a reminder of the work of God.  So, as we came to the one year mark of Allan’s incident I decided to plant a tree as way of marking God’s faithfulness to us.

So, on May 21st, 2016 the kids, our friends, and I planted a tree to honor Allan, to mark God’s faithfulness in our lives, and as a beautiful picture of growth and life after destruction. It is a beautiful tree and has 3 trunks each representing one of our 3 children!

Tree Planting

On May 20th 2013 our home was dramatically damaged after tornado. We were out of our house for about 4 months while it was repaired. Part of the damage was the destruction of 3 trees in our front and back yards. It was interesting that last Saturday, May 21, 2016 in the morning in my “Facebook Memories” a picture that came up was from May 21, 2013. It was of Allan standing by one of the fallen trees and our damaged home.

It was a very therapeutic time as we dug that hole and placed new life into it!  We shared memories and praised God for His faithfulness to us!  We had a fun time with some of our favorite people! Although, Allan was not there with us as we planted a new tree, I know that he would be so proud of our sweet kids and praising God with us despite the pain.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support!  Thank you for loving us!

Jill and Crew

 

P.S. For updates on Allan’s recovery please see his caring bridge site that his family updates periodically. These are the updates we receive as well. Thank you.

 

Last week I had the opportunity to lead a discussion with high school girls about the topic of feminism. Before this opportunity my thoughts on feminism were limited. I knew I was a believer in strong women and empowerment, but had not combined these thoughts with feminism. It did not take long in my preparation for these discussions that I had a vivid picture of my mom.

As I discovered terms like equality, strength, empower, world changer, and standing up for what is right, it made me realize what a beautiful example my mom is of feminism. NOT feminism in the wrongly, often used stereotypical terms, such as, man hater or girl rebel and not as a liberal feminist, radical feminist, or feminazi…but as a beautiful picture of strength and determination.

My mom has faced challenges and heart ache in her life like a brave, warrior. Bold and confident is how my mom thrives. Many that know her today only see an extraordinary grandmother and a successful business woman. Those that have known her longer, have seen the struggles as she forged the path to where she is now. She has always been a fun, mom and creative entrepreneur, but it was not always as easy as she makes it look now.

I remember her working long days, nights and weekends so her 3 kids would be provided for. She worked really hard and God provided. I remember her customers buying us tires because they knew we needed them and could not afford them. I remember celebrating when she did a pedicure because that money went to something great that she was saving for our family.

I remember her taking risks to a new location or adding new nail stations only thinking if this would be better for all of the ladies working in the salon. I remember her wanting to buy a run down, falling apart, stinky house, that she said we would live in, because she saw the vision of a beautiful home. When everyone else, said, “no way”, she said, “why not, I am going to do it!”

She did. She had a successful nail salon that allowed multiple women to work and provide for their families. She stepped in to help her mother and took greater risks by owning and managing a larger full service salon. Her memories of that season include being overwhelmed. Her kid’s memories of that time are of growth and fun!

We have always had fun. She is so spontaneous and creative that there is never a dull moment. She is full of life and energy and always thinking and doing or thinking and telling us how to do it or how to get it done! She can find the good when there seems to be none.

Not only that, she created a home for my brother and sister and I to thrive. We were taught independence and determination and responsibility. We felt safe and loved. We were taught hospitality and love. We were shown how to give, how to trust, how to have faith. She taught us how to love people, all people, regardless of race, appearance, language they speak, or social standing. She taught us that people are people.

She is crazy brave and adventurous and after having successful businesses in the beauty world she changed careers to help her grandmother. What she thought was a temporary post 25 years ago to help her grandmother (and to buy her precious first born a car) has become a new way of life. She nurtured and grew an income tax business that now serves thousands of people a year, is a rental management office, and a property/business development consulting office.

She lived out and still lives out love. Jesus shines so brightly in her, that we were and are all led to Him because of her faith and trust in Him. She has always been clear that the reason she takes risk, gives so much, and forgives so quickly is because of the work of Jesus in her life.

I grew up in a salon, helping in the family business. I have been blessed this last year and a half to get to work with her again full time. Obviously, it is different because now we do taxes and then we did nails and hair! It is much the same as it was in my youth. It is the same in that she is always thinking how can we do it better. How can we serve better? How can we be more efficient? It is the same in that she is innovative, creative, and generous.

Regardless of the job, ministry, task or event, we are in the people business. As a youth I saw her serve people as she held their hand and did their nails. As a youth she had us serving in church. She supported all of our adventures and ministry opportunities.

Now numbers and taxes is her mode of service. She has built a business that people trust. People trust her with decisions in their business, but they also trust her for guidance in their lives. She cries with them, she laughs with them, she guides them, and they name their children after her!

She is still my biggest supporter in whatever passion or dream I envision. She loves my kids while I am on adventures. She takes us on adventures! She hosts ladies’ events, a whole grade level of kids for a swim party, or our current favorite craft night. She taught us so well to dream big, and she continues now to support and encourage us all along the way!

As I led that discussion on feminism, I was reminded of a time in the early years of her being a single mom and business owner. We just had the nail shop, The Nailery, and the electricity had gone out, blown a breaker. It was night time and the breaker box was at the back of the building. There were four of us. She was at the breaker, my sister was at one corner of the building, my brother was at another corner of the building, and I stood at the door to the shop. She would flip a breaker, “is that it?”, she would flip another breaker, “it that it?”, “no”, “no”, “no”, “is that it?”, YES!”, “Yes!”,” Yes!” She, we had fixed the electricity.

It was then that the song/chant was created that would follow us to today! “I can fry up the bacon, I can fry up the ham, I can fix the electricity as good as the OG&E man!” I am not sure how the real song goes, but this is always how we sang it. This is what she lives. She believes she can and she does! Be smart, work hard, ask questions, honor God.

So, when thinking of feminism, this is why I think of my mom. She is brave and strong and a real life story of being a woman and believing she can do it, and doing it. She has never let being a woman stop her from anything. She fights for what is right. She gives generously. She fights for equality of all people and will invite anyone into her home! She loves big and lives loud! I love her so much and am so thankful for the brave, strong woman she is and has taught me to be!

Happy Mother’s Day, Momma! Jill Natalie