Any of you know the old Larnell Harris song, “Why”? Well, that is the tune that has been playing in my head. I wonder why do the rainy days have to come… does another child have to be diagnosed with cancer, does another child relapse, does one child stay cancer free, why is there mental illness, why do people lie, why don’t people forgive, why are we so prideful, and why is making an apology such a daunting task, why do people kill the innocent???
As soon as I really start to ponder these whys, the song by Laura Story, “Blessings” immediately comes to my mind. I think God has quite a sense of humor, for my prayerful question of Why being followed with “Blessings” or Mandisa’s “Stronger”. I know I have lived through being made stronger by painful circumstances. I have had sleepless nights that have for sure brought me closer to Mighty God. I would not change any of my pain for the strength I have gained or the blessings that could not have come an easier way or the nearness of God that only the broken hearted experience. I would not have wanted to miss my trips in the valley for the beautiful views that I experienced. Yet, I still ask why.
Maybe it is harder for me to understand seeing someone else in their pain. I can see all that I gained and maybe even some of the whys from my own pain. It is difficult to see the value of someone else’s pain. I can not see what others see when they are in their pain only that they are in pain. Does that make any sense?
Tonight, Nathan was the perfect height to walk right into the corner of an open cabinet door. Ouch! Right? Of course, he immediately was screaming. I quickly brought him to my arms and was making every effort to console him. There was nothing I could do to take the pain that cabinet door caused. Now obviously, a simple comparison and nothing even comparable to say, a child diagnosed with cancer, but very real pain for Nathan in that moment. So what did he gain from that? Why did that have to happen? Couldn’t I have just told him “Nathan it is important for you to know on your life’s journey do not walk into cabinet doors.” Funny, that I know that experience tonight will not keep him from never running into a cabinet corner again, but maybe after a few more he might slow down and turn around and watch where he is going. Maybe it created a few moments for me to hold my precious son, who is generally moving too quickly!
I think it is important to be aware of not placing blame or shaming ourselves. I am the one that left the cabinet door open. Was it my fault that Nathan hurt is head? No. I was still getting stuff out of that cabinet. Was it Nathan’s fault that he ran into the cabinet? No. He has walked (ran, jumped, twisted, crawled) down the same hall thousands of times and never had that experience. It was just life happening. But, why?!!!
So, could the answer to why be simple? We are so unaware that we need our OWN cabinet corner experiences to understand pain. To develop any empathy we must experience it ourselves? That God loves us so much He wants to get to hold us when we hurt? That we have to get sick to know how good healthy feels? That Laura Story is right? Maybe a “thousand sleepless nights is what we need to know He’s there”?
I don’t know, but I am thankful that God is okay with me asking, why! I am also thankful that I do not have to know why. God does, and He has got this, whatever “this” happens to be at the moment!
For sweet girl, almost 3 year old, Kinsley and her family, “this”, is beginning a fight with leukemia. For Warrior Creed “this” is his lifetime battle with sickness that has put him back in the PICU and uncertainity again. For Hannah and her family, “this” is being told the cancer will continue to grow and there is nothing more we can do. Please, lift these few up as they ask “why”. Help them and each of us rest in knowing that HE HAS GOT THIS! He can see the whole front and back of the tapestry!