Let me first say, thank you.  Thank you for your prayers, concern, texts, messages, hugs, cards and all the ways you have shown me and my sweet kids your love.  It is truly overwhelming and so sweet to be loved by you.  God has used you to encourage and love us.

Some of you are brave enough to ask, some of you just give us the “look”.  I get it.  What do you say?  How do you ask? Do you ask if the kids are with me? Do you ask the kids? Do I know what you mean when you ask, How are YOU? Well, let me tell you as hard as it is for you to ask, “How are you?”, it is even harder to answer.

So, for those that are just needing a brief answer…  We take it one day at a time, some days one moment at a time.  We have good days, good moments, and really hard days, and hard moments. We  have sudden outbursts for no reason, we often cry at the weirdest times (I use “we” loosely, really it is me that cries at weird times!) , and we are the hardest on each other.  We remember happy memories together.  We laugh at funny times and we share sweet memories.  If something triggers a memory we share it with each other. {that’s the end of the brief answer}

Our summer was busy, with camps, work, vbs, trips to Colorado and Branson. We made many special memories.  We have not been to Houston.  I continue to seek the Lord on this.  The kids and I stay open and talk much about reality, faith, and are committed to being honest with our thoughts and feelings. They get tired of me wanting to talk about their feelings, but oh, well, it is for their own good!  I continue to seek God, trust counselors around me, and stay in tune with where the kids are emotionally and do all I can to parent them best!

We are now adjusting to routine of school year.  In some ways the routine of school is harder.  There are more obvious voids in the routine, however, routine is good and creates security.  God is faithful.  The kids and I have felt the peace and strength of God even when crying “why”.   I am so glad that nothing is wasted.  God uses it all to bring us closer to Him and for His Glory.  We do give him all the glory even when we do not understand.  Anybody, that says, “God does not give you more than you can handle”, is wrong.  I have experienced way more than I can handle over and over, and know without a doubt it is these times that I am even more aware of my need for Him and aware of His Greatness.

I have only been in love once. I have only been on a date with one man.  I fell in love when I was still a child at the age of 16.  I got to marry that man when I was 19. I grew up with that man. I learned to love and be loved. I went to college. Started a business. Started another business. Got to be a mom to 3 amazing people.  Got to walk by my son as he fought cancer and is a survivor. Got to do ministry in churches, schools, and the community.  Bought 2 homes. Developed friendships around the state, country, and world.  Experienced betrayal, rejection, and brokenness. Survived a tornado. Survived the rebuild after a tornado. Failed.  Succeeded. Divorced the man of my dreams because I loved him, because I loved our children, because I loved me, because God said it is time. Through it all I have got to know the Creator of the Universe more and more. I have been loved by the One True God and felt Him hold me close. I trust Him more and am so thankful to be loved by Him.  I rarely know the why or how or what but, I trust my God.  I have been amazed at God’s care for the details.

It seems I have been on a roller coaster ride that keeps going. May 20th,2015 my divorce was final.  So, after what I thought was one of the hardest years of my life, I was soon to discover was just a little hard. May 21st my life was forever changed by a new trauma that has started an even more difficult chapter. The pain that comes with divorce is raw.  The pain that comes with parenting your children through divorce is ugly. The pain that comes with a trauma that takes your children’s dad and your best friend of 20 years out of your lives is indescribable.

Do you see why, when I am asked, “How are you?”, that I have a hard time answering?!?  Most of the time I am doing ok, some days it has taken all I have to just get out of bed, and then there are other days, that I can truly say, “I’m good”.  I have a hard time sleeping, and therefore I am tired most of the day.  I am so thankful for the support of my family and friends.  I am blessed to get to work in my family’s tax and property development business.  I have also just started on exciting path of graduate school.  I had planned to get alternatively certified this summer and get a teaching job this Fall, but that did not happen. I will still get certified to teach just not on my time table.  One of the details that God worked was the opportunity for this graduate program.

I would not want to speak for my kids, but I will give you my perspective on those crazy, brilliant, silly kids.

They are amazing!  They are brave and strong and the greatest examples of faith I have ever seen.  They inspire me daily.  They do not even realize how brave and full of faith they are!  They hurt, but they are brave.  They face it.  They keep going. I see the Holy Spirit working in them and carrying them.  Not to imply that they don’t fight and have to be told 15 times to do a chore, they are human, they are normal, sometimes whiny, bratty kids! But, when Jesus, said, “have faith like a child”, He was talking about my kids!

Bottom line… this part of my journey sucks!  It is hard and painful and full of hard talks, crying and questions without answers.  But God is good and I still trust Him!

What you can do:

Prayer for God’s will in my man’s life, okay, so, he is not legally my man anymore, but he is still one of my favorite people, so pray for my kid’s dad and God’s will in my kid’s dad’s life, pray for complete healing either here or in heaven.  We trust Him.

Prayer for my kids and for them to continue to seek God and trust God even when life is painful and hard.  Pray for healing for their hearts.

Prayer for me as my heart heals and that I parent the best I can.

Give money.  There are 2 different Go Fund Me accounts.  There is one for Allan’s medical expenses (Allan’s miracle) and there is another for the care of the children (Care of Allan Johnson’s Children).  I was in no way prepared or set up to be a one income home, therefore, we are barely making it.  So, if you are able and want to give money to either of these accounts we will be grateful.

Well, you have now read the long version!  I hope you are glad you asked!

Love to you, Jill