I know it has been a cool minute since I have posted. I will tell you in the world of cancer often times, no news is good news! That is currently true for me. I had routine imaging done at the end of January and the results were all good news! No progression, no new disease, and the current disease it still shrinking! I am so, so thankful! I did change medicine and have even had an increase of dosage because after one round my numbers were good. Then again another bump in dosage! At the end of the February I saw my oncologist and we decided to bump it up some more. Thankfully, the medicine is working and my side effects are easy in the scheme of things. I have mostly good days. Some days are better and some days are meh. I have been on the higher dosage since last Friday and it has been a rougher week. So, pray my body adjusts and I have less meh days! I am thankful for my job and season of life allows the flexibility I need to rest and adjust.

We have had much to celebrate and much to grieve these past few months. I have been affected by and attended 4 funerals since the middle of December. This blows my mind as I even type it. We all can just take it one day at a time. As I look back I see and feel WOW, just wow. It has been and it is a lot. I do not know why but, I am always astonished by the sweetness of God’s nearness during times of grief and pain. He brings peace that gives me strength.

I recently read a book, that I 10 out of 10 recommend, “Even If He Doesn’t”, by Kristen LaValley. ONE thing she said that stood out to me was, “when we are obsessed with finding the purpose for everything, we’re seeking comfort in the purpose rather than the comfort of Christ…when we stop trying to squeeze purpose from our pain, we can rest in the peace of God. His peace,-the peace that ‘transcends all understanding’-will hold our hearts perfectly when we don’t understand.”

Now I am not going to lie and say that knowing the purpose never gives me comfort or helps ease the pain, but it cannot be on what I depend. For sure I get giddy and stand in awe when I can look back and see the minute details that were weaved together by Father God. I tend to be a Pollyanna and look for the good and seek the sunshine, but often times in this messy thing we call life it is hard to find the good or wrap our minds around understanding the why. Life is hard. Bad things happen. Fair is often NOT how things land.

So, I guess what I am trying to communicate is knowing and understanding purpose can empower and encourage, but it cannot be where we seek our comfort and peace. We will be disappointed and possibly even hurt more when there is no purpose to find. Healing comfort and peace only comes from and in Jesus. Painful things like cancer, addiction, betrayal, death…, do not make sense and would be senseless to find purpose in, however, Jesus brings comfort amidst all the senseless. God is still so good despite the pain in this world. God is still good during cancer and grief and loss, even when there seems to be no purpose.

And then the celebrating! We had lots of family fun celebrating Christmas. I had a blast at my 47th birthday party! No, I am not too old to have a birthday party game night! I have enjoyed sweet times with friends. I have attended some great events, had fun with my sweet kids, and seen successes with students and colleagues…AND then a few weeks ago my precious first born got engaged to be married! So, shrinking tumors and getting a son in law is a lot of GOOD! I have much to celebrate in the midst of and/or despite pain, loss, and the senseless!

God is good during the celebrations and God is good during the pain. I hope we are all able to see the good and also rest in Jesus during the painful. jj