Well, the last few months have been a little rough physically and emotionally and spiritually. I still do not have all the answers and we all know the unknown is awful for so many reasons. Short version is I am still fighting cancer, there may or may not be progression or growth. I took a break from part of my treatment to determine if the medicine is causing the symptoms. I am back on treatment and still too many unknowns, I have been introduced to more doctor specialists, am on more appointment waiting lists, have added a new medical app, had extra extra imaging, and got more punches on my imaginary health facility bingo card and am back to seeing oncologist monthly instead of every other month. I still am having symptoms with an unknown cause, but have learned the reason, so progress has been made.

In December, I started feeling not good more than I felt good. I just did not feel good, a little extra tired, and sore/achy. So many possible causes for this in December, right? Then I started noticing shortness of breath. Was this also the effects of December, too many sweets, not enough walks?!? I also have had some severe, random shoulder pain on and off that has caused some nights where sleeping is impossible, which brings a whole other set of issues. I need my sleep!

In January, I met with my oncologist for my regular 2 month appointment and shared my experience with her. She was not happy that I had not called. If I do not call, nothing is wrong, right?! (no, just make the call🤦🏽‍♀️) Well, there was much haste and energy because she feared I potentially had a blood clot, which is a possible side effect of my treatment. 🤨 Well, not good, but maybe an answer. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I am telling you perspective is huge. When you are hoping for a blood clot being caught AND it NOT being cancer you are in a uniquie situation. Oh, I love being unique!

Thankfully, it was not a blood clot. Sadly, it was not a blood clot. A blood clot when caught early is treatable. So, not a blood clot, then what is it?!? Another possible side effect of my treatment is damage to lungs. Well, I gotta breathe. So, off the medicine I go, to determine if that helps the breathing. It did not. That is good, because that means my treatment, that has thus far kept my cancer from progressing can be resumed. It is not good, because that means we still do not know why the breathing issues. At this point I am trying to think of Thomas Edison. He is the one that said he found 10,000 ways for it not working before he was successful with the lightbulb, right?!

During this time I saw a pulmonologist (lung doctor). He is a kind, smart young man with curly hair. I liked him instantly. He seemed to know stuff. Did not have all the answers, but more clues were given. I have a paralyzed diaphragm. Yea, you have never heard of that, have you?! Maybe, 2 of you have. Thankfully, it is only paralyzed on one side, so it is only crushing part of my lung and collapsing it. Hence, the reason breathing is hard. BUT why?!? Yea, google it. It does not make sense. I have not experienced the things that normally lead to this.

So, the diaphragm is controlled by the phrenic nerve which runs thru spine/neck down to diapghragm under lungs. Could this be why the piercing shoulder pain?!? I think it has to be. It for sure feels like a live wire going crazy and that is how I imagine a rogue nerve to be! And it all began happening at the same time. This is my own reason and theory. No doctor has confirmed, well, one doctor, the orthopedic kind, was pretty confident that it is NOT the phrenic nerve causing the pain, but I am not convinced. I will be seeing a neurologist, a nerve doctor, in May and gathering more information.

Before that I will be having a sniff test. Ever heard of that?! It is a special test/x-ray done by a radiologist to determine diaphragm function. Gotta keep gathering all the clues! Have I mentioned I do not like puzzles?! I do like a good suspense book, movie, or show, so maybe I need to lean into that. I also like Bingo, so I guess it is another punch in my imaginary card. Sniff Test ✖️

My very wise, this is how it is oncologist was stumped with the paralyzed diaphragm and intrigued by phrenic nerve theory, so she demanded insurance pay for a PET scan. I had not had one of these in 2 years. I generally have CT, MRI, and bone scan. Do not even get me started on why not just do the PET every time instead of the 3 different tests, I do not get it. So, the PET shows some malignancy, cancer, in my lymph nodes. This was not seen on images from February. So, is this cause of all the things?! Were they just not visible via the MRI and CT, but are visible on PET?! Or is this growth because I was off treatment for over a month?!? Yes, more unknowns. 😒 This is the most recent, as of yesterday, information gathered. I have not got to talk with my astute oncologist yet! I am sure there will be more information collected as she views these results!

That is the basics of the physical.

Mind, body, soul is all connected, right? Spiritually and emotionally it has just been just as wild of a ride. I am not quite ready to write about all of that. I will say Father God, Holy Spirit, Jesus have never been closer. My faith is strengthened as I question and cry out to Him. My confidence in His goodness is deepened as I seek Him and ask why. I am so grateful for His love and nearness in the unknown. I rest in Him.