I have had this word, expectations, on my mind and in my spirit each time I have thought about writing this post. Initially, I had expectations on my brain because I wanted to tell you all how off my expectations vs. reality of my lumpectomy experience were! First off, those of you who said, “oh, it won’t be bad!”, “Oh, a lumpectomy is easy!” You lied. I forgive you. But you lied. I was expecting it to be easy. Up the next day, moving on with life. I was NOT. For me it was awful! So, my expectations of it being a breeze really knocked me off course when it was an Oklahoma wind storm. I made it through, despite reactions to the anesthesia. I had a rough week and a half this summer because of that “easy” lumpectomy and about a month of some reaction symptoms, mainly ITCHING. Not a major deal now, but still more than I EXPECTED!

The good news was my wonderful surgeon, Dr. Mathias, did get most of the tumor. The bad news is that she was only able to get most of the tumor. So, doctors do all they can with what they can see and what imaging has shown, but these cancer cells do not have a sign on them or present in neon when viewing as a surgeon. So, she got all she could see and took a little more outside the known margins of the tumor, but when the pathology came back some of the those margins were positive. This is okay, and does not change my treatment plan, just something to stay aware of. And of course, we will because I get all kinds of pictures of my insides regularly. I guess it is sorta like an old school portrait studio subscription, but much more involved and way more expensive. Okay, so, maybe it is nothing like that…

At the end of July, I had my regular 3 month imaging. All scans, tests, and pictures looked great! Nothing new and no growth! I am due for this testing and imaging again at the end of the month!

Major life events often carry with them expectations. How things will go and how things will all play out can not NOT carry some expectation. I remember holding Lydia as a baby and praying for her husband. My expectations of who this would be were limited, but I prayed that he would love Jesus, be kind, love her as much as I did and laugh easily. My expectations were too low and my prayers were answered and then some! In August, Lydia got a husband and I got a son. My new son, Hayden loves Lydia so well and has been a wonderful addition to our family!

We had the best time planning and executing the big day and have been so blessed with our family gaining family! In my dreams and plans for my baby, Lydia, I for sure did not expect for woman, Lydia, to not be walked down the aisle by her daddy. I never would have expected to be the one giving her hand to her husband. There was for sure a void and an a missing during the wedding season and on the day of, nonetheless, there was an overwhelming peace and joy and strength that Father God consumed that was sweet and good and oh so real. Despite things not happening how I would have planned or expected, an amazing Father God made it all so peaceful.

I had absolutely no idea and no expectation that when a child gets married that the peace and the joy and the happiness is so big. There were no tears of sadness, but only tears of joy and happiness and such gratitude. So much gratitude. I am also astutely aware that this particular union was made sweet because it was orchestrated by God. Lydia and Hayden were God’s plan. They are God’s best for each other. They make each other better. It is amazing and sweet to see your child love and be loved.

I am still overwhelmed as I type this and reflect on how God works all the things for our good. The surprises, the losses, the quick unexpected turns do not surprise God. He comforts, He guides, He leads, He soothes, He celebrates, He provides, He is with us during the expected and the unexpected. He is with us during a lumpectomy and stupid, dumb reactions to medicine, He is with us when there is cancer in the margins, He is with us when we walk our daughter down the aisle, He is with us when it is good and He is with us when it is awful. He is with us.